Slaughter High (1986)

Slaughter High (1986)

📅16 August 2010, 23:18

How can anyone really enjoy this??

Slaughter High (1986)
Directed By: Steve George Dugdale & Mark Ezra

The Prologue
Soo today we got Slaughter High. A movie that was supposed to be called April Fools Day but was changed when another film of that same name came out that same year. It’s also become somewhat of a cult classic and as a result Lion’s Gate, be it because they wanted to make someone happy or be it because they have a sick sense of humor, put this out on DVD under the title “The Lost Collection”. I hear you can also get it in one of those DVDs that have around 4 to 5 movies on them. Either way it’s cheap enough, it just isn’t worth it regardless.

The Movie
So ten years ago on April Fools Day, a gang of high school kids decide to pull a prank on the school geek, Marty. When they get busted for that by the school’s gym coach, they come up with another plan, this one working a little too well and as a result Marty was badly hurt. Flash forward now ten years later and it’s reunion time (which just so happens to be on April Fools Day). This gang is once again all brought together at the scene of the crime and as you might imagine, it’s payback time! And even worse, if you watch this you suffer as well. I’m sorry, Marty! I didn’t even have anything to do with it but I watched this and I am soo sorry. Thanks for never making a sequel.

So, some of you actually like this?? Are you kidding?? First off the characters here are all horrible. There’s not a nice soul in the bunch so you have not one person to root for. You won’t even root for Marty because he sucks to! This movie of course does have Caroline Munro to look at as she. to spite being in her 30’s at the time. plays a teen. But she’s just eye candy here as she doesn’t bring anything to the table like she does in other horror films I’ve seen her in. Maybe she realized the movie sucked while she was making it and phoned it in? I wouldn’t blame her if that was the case.

Oh! And where the hell is the logic?? OK, let’s look at this for a moment. Ten years ago you took part of something that left some kid hurt. You randomly get a reunion invite, you arrive at the school which is now a closed down dump. The only other people there are your pals from back in the day that you did this horrible deed with. Are you going to be dumb enough not to realize something is up? Well if not, then you’d fit in perfectly with these assholes.

And what type of assholes do we have here? Well these are the types of assholes that while their friends are getting killed off they decide to take a bath (why is a tub in the high school?), they also decide to have sex (why is a bed in the high school?). They also don’t bother sticking together or simply taking a run for it when an opening opens up. So, in the honest way of putting it these assholes are really dumb people. Also, don’t ask me why out of what looks to be 100 beers the one that the guy decides to chug just so happens to be the bad one. I’ll admit it’s a cool kill and a cool scene but like everything in this movie it doesn’t have any logic what so ever.

Then once we sit through this mess they give us one of the biggest cop out endings ever. I guess this is suppose to make all the logic holes “OK” but you know what? It just doesn’t cut it with me. The movie has some gore here and there but other than that it’s a giant waste of an hour and a half. I don’t even like the theme music to this one. Which if they were going for annoying they hit the nail right on the damn head. So look people, go find the kills on youtube somewhere and just avoid watching this whole thing all together. It’s really not worth your time.

The Conclusion
So is it a cult classic because it’s so bad or because the poor guy who plays Marty actually killed himself soon after? I can’t see a thing in here that would make me want to believe that anyone likes this thing for any other reason. It has cool kills, but not enough. It also lacks one single person for the viewer to like. Maybe they should have kept the original title of April Fools Day because Slaughter High is a joke.

The Rating (4/10)

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