I Am Virgin (2010)

I Am Virgin (2010)

📅17 May 2010, 19:00

Well..um..this was different than I figured it would be.

I Am Virgin (2010)
Directed By: Sean Skelding

The Prologue
I Am Virgin at a glance would seem like a bastard child of 28 Days Later and I Am Legend. The cover shows vampires so you can’t go wrong with vampires either right? Since they are “in” now days and all. But that being said this movie wasn’t just a horror parody.

It’s billed as a comedy and while I like a few comedy movie I’m not the biggest fan of the genre but this movie has a hidden element it doesn’t let you know about until it’s too late..One that caught me by surprise.

The Movie
After the spread of a sex virus (I kid you not) the world is over as we know it and all that remains is one lonely virgin, his dog, and a lot of horny vampires. They just want to have sex with him but he runs away from the poontage due to the fact his parents (while they were alive) told him sex and woman were EVIL!!!..Basically you get a parody of I Am Legend if you didn’t already notice.

And before anything moves along here let me make something clear, because it wasn’t clear to me before I watched this and as a result it was a big shock. This isn’t really a horror movie even with the vampires, it really isn’t a comedy even with a few funny parts, it’s a all out soft core porno flick like you’d see late night on Showtime or one of those channels..As a matter of fact I’m sure it’ll end up there soon. As a result of finding this out, I thought about skipping the review but I just figured it was my duty as a respected movie reviewer to watch this soft core porn from start to finish and inform you about it.

That being said, unless you just want to see the sex scenes there isn’t a lot to see here besides a nice cameo by porno legend Ron Jeremy, as his part was one of the actual funny parts of the film. The whole movie goes as follows..Virgin guy walks around an empty city talking to his dog, finds vampires having sex and watches it, goes home and video bloggs about it, repeat about six times and there is your movie.

And that’s pretty much our movie. It’s cheap looking, it has a few funny moments, but it’s mostly just about watching the vampires have soft core style sex with other vampires. However, I think if you look deep into things it’s like a giant perverted infomercial for celibacy. So remember kids, don’t have sex with the hot vampires it’ll only make you feel bad later. Wait for the right girl to come along even if there’s a chance that there isn’t another girl even alive on the planet. And in that same thought I guess the movie is also saying that if you’re waiting for a good wholesome girl to come along you’ll be a very lonely man.

The Conclusion
Well if you’re up late and have a tube of lotion and nobody is around you might enjoy this movie for a little while. Other than that you have no reason what so ever to watch this movie and if you do watch it and are looking for a real plot or comedy then you are in the wrong place.

Skip it unless you are lonely and horny.

The Rating (2/10)

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