Never Too Young to Die (1986) (Blu-ray/DVD Review)
Directed By: Gil Bettman
Starring: John Stamos, Vanity, Gene Simmons
Rated: R/Region A/1:78/1080p/Number of Discs 2
Available From Shout! Factory
When a top secret agent (George Lazenby, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service) is murdered, his estranged gymnast son Lance Stargrove (John Stamos, Full House) teams up with his dad’s seductive and deadly associate, Danja Deering (Vanity, The Last Dragon) to face his father’s killer… the fiendish mastermind Velvet Von Ragner (Gene Simmons, the fiendish mastermind behind Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame inductee KISS.) The hermaphroditic heel is hell-bent on a scheme to poison the city’s water supply — and it’s up to Stargrove to crush Velvet once and for all!
If most 80’s action flicks are considered to be cheesy, then rest a sure that Never Too Young to Die is the biggest slice of 80’s cheese you will probably find and it has now found its way to Blu-ray thanks to Shout Factory. Consisting of the oddball cast of John Stamos, Vanity, and Kiss’ Gene Simmons, Never Too Young to Die at times feels like a live-action cartoon. Stamos is playing the cool guy who’s dad was a secret agent without him ever knowing about it. After his Dad died Stamos’ character teams up with his dad’s partner played by Vanity and we are off and running as they try to stop the classic evil plot of our bad guy poisoning the town’s water supply. The bad guy is a half-man/half-woman character played by Gene Simmons. Goofy or not, Gene puts his all into this one and his performance might be the most you remember after seeing it outside of the just as silly as it is anything else love scene between Stamos and Vanity. The whole movie, in general, is totally outrageous and silly but still very entertaining regardless.
We get a lot of action and lot of gadgets, as the movie feels like another take on James Bond only meant towards a younger crowd. That still doesn’t stop the movie from showing us some nudity and some very violent moments. If all this 80’s fun isn’t enough for you yet, you also have the option in the extras to watch this movie in its VHS form and that should hit everyone who dug the 80’s and the movies that came from that time right in their nostalgic feels. I dug this movie regardless of how cheesy and predictable it could be. It barely misses the mark of being right in there with such films as The Miami Connection for being soo bad that they become spectacles. This one just remains corny good fun, but that is always okay as well in my book. It also packs a very informative audio commentary that is worth repeating the film and giving a listen to.
– 80’s VHS Version of the Film
– Audio Commentary with Pop Culture Historian Russell Dyball
– TV Spot
Quality of Transfer: 92%